• Whatever it is that interests your child, may it be a hobby or passion, allow him or her to pursue it productively

Summertime is utmost fun for the kids. It is a time for self-discovery and exploration of their many gifts.

I would recall spending summer days learning something new. As a kid, which many can relate to I suppose, I was interested in a lot of things and would change my mind on what I want in many occasions. All these led to self-discovery and in the end, it was good.

Take a breather from most academic load. We have the school year for that. Let the kids have fun discovering and enriching their talents in multiple areas of intelligence. Hey, a lot of kids bloom as they discover the different kinds of smarts they have which ooze out to academics and school life. So, not only are we building the artists, the athletes, the writers, the linguists and the leaders in them, we are raising their potentials in class and academic performance.

Most would ask me what would be ideal for their children this summer. Most fear that their children would have so much time in their hands with nothing to do. That is where they're mistaken. A few children would totally say they have nothing to do, sad for some I know, they have problems thinking for themselves. But yes, we do have a few roles to see to it that our children have fun this summer.

For one, we should see to it that their interests and passions are pursued. It can happen in an enrichment class, a workshop, or a summer class. Various recreational classes are being offered such as lessons in music, dance, arts, sports, and the like that bring out the best in them. Having "play groups" with your friends' or neighbors' kids is also a good way of building their interpersonal skills such as cooperation, negotiation as well as practicing their communication skills that work best especially in gaining more friends. It is always nice to share good summer memories with friends.

A summer job is one way of instilling a sense of responsibility among kids which hones their self-discipline, decision-making skill, and teaches them the value of money. Let them do apprentice jobs in your office such as sorting papers, printing documents, and other trivial office works.

Also, never deprive your kids with a relaxing summer vacation. Going to the beach or out of town is ideal for the family during this hot weather. This is a good time for family bonding with children at the same time learning and discovering new things in the environment. Make your trip memorable and educational at the same time.

Whatever it is that interests your child, may it be a hobby or passion, allow him or her to pursue it productively. Summer is the best time to fill your life with lots of memories. Give your child a fun, enjoyable, educational, and productive vacation. It's all worth it.*

Summer starts with a few changes for our kids. For one, school ends and there is a vast amount of time to be filled up with either playing at home, enrichment of talents in summer school, or travel and vacation for the family. They say the summer holds the best memories for each child.

Recently has been a transition of sorts for my child. This is a step towards independence as we changed yayas – from the old, 'since baby' senior one to a younger one. I prepared not only my child but myself for what might be a series of 'adjustment' problems. Here are a few things for a less stressful transition for change.

Talk about what is going to happen. Children fear the unpredictable. It seems everyone does. It really helps if we have a warning talk so as our kids expect what can happen. I am learning that children can be more resilient than adults. Surprisingly, other than being more clingy than usual, my baby girl wanted to be a 'big girl' like her classmates. We pointed out a few independent ones who took care of things on their own. We also talked beforehand and I 'mentally' prepared her for the change.

Get the kids involved. Whether it is in enrolling them in summer class with different faces than their familiar classmates, a new school, a new yaya, or a different activity than usual, it helps if we allow the kids to participate in the preparation. Preparing their own things for class, going with you for enrolment, or talking with yaya and showing her the room – may be some ways our kids will feel empowered as they participate in the change.

Experience helps. The kids feel reassured they are not alone in this one. For summer classes, it helps if they enroll with a friend or a familiar face. For a yaya, it helps that they establish a common ground – for us it was talking like Manang's sister is also Yani's yaya, or for other changes, it can be like your Mommy also tried a new school when I was younger or Mommy learns how to swim when I also took swimming lessons when I was your age.

Be there for your child. As always, your presence in assuring your child of the unknown or unfamiliar is the only constancy he/ she can hold on to. As my little one replied me "Mommy, it is okay. You are here". They would ultimately go to us for security and we have to be there for them. New school? Walk through it with your child. New yaya? Be there until your child feels more comfortable with her. New classmates? Assure her that you will be waiting for her to talk about the fun they are having in class.

Whatever it is your child is undergoing, you are too. It is just an irrevocable part of the job called parenthood. Being there and understanding what they are going through, assuring them we are there just might be the most concrete form of security and assurance that we are there for them no matter what. Change is part of life, but there are people willing to go through it – the fun and not so fun part of it - with you. Happy Summer everyone.*

In battling our everyday worries, may we feel safer with a constant reassurance that our mothers indeed brought us up well

Some people say we, girls, would only understand our mothers if we become one ourselves. It has always been an interesting mother-daughter relationship.

For some, it can be a cat-dog relationship, for others competitive, for lucky some loving and more of best friends, and for the rest it is a cycle of when to listen and when to ignore. It can be testing sometimes as we grow up challenging our mother's view of how we should be raised. As a song in the movie Tangled goes "Mother knows best" - Do they?

My own relationship with my mom, as I realized, started with her own relationship with hers. Ironically, our mothers are also products of an upbringing. Like us, they have been troubled or confused teenagers longing for a mother's love or smothered by one. They have also listened to litanies of what not to do and what Dalagang (and traditional Catholic) Filipinas are supposed to be. They had their share of heartaches, successes and blooming love lives. Yes, my relationship with my mother actually started with a 'family' intergeneration retreat in Ateneo sometime back when I was pregnant. It was an effort to prepare me for motherhood. Good thing I listened. My actual relationship with her started when I realized that like me, my mother is human, was once a child, teenager, adult like me, who was doing all the best she can with what she have. That certainly speaks a lot of forgiving for what she wasn't, she couldn't be and who she really was. Writing this article also somehow affirms that.

After that realization, I started being forgiving and understanding. I started seeing her more than being my mother. I saw her for the woman that she was. With my uber busy family and work life, I have missed the days where we really spend time to get to know each other - days where we can call our mothers by another name – friend. I feel guilty spending so much time worrying about my child, my concerns, career and work, and other trivial everyday thing when my relationship with my mom could be far more enriching. I have forgotten that in stressful times, my mom is one call away, and we could whisk each other to spa and massage therapy. I forgot the times when I needed to talk it out with someone, who would not judge me and accept whatever I needed to say, she would be there. I forgot to take time to go somewhere and sinfully share indulgence in gustatory delights. I have forgiven her for the times she said I need to change what I am wearing because it is not 'flattering' my curves, in polite words, I may be a bit chubby for that dress. I forgot to thank her for the endless of times she had been there to save my heart from eruption when I am near meltdown with the little one. She would be the spoiling grandma who would solve the problem so mommy can cool off (sometimes, it is a bit conniving). I forgot to thank her for the many of times her novenas would contain the simple prayer of her daughters marrying good men and that they would be leading happy lives (and so the 'break ups from our bad boys' young adult phase). I miss telling her thank you for praying for me and blessing me with this and her best intentions for me - always and everyday.

Mothers like me seem to stress ourselves with anxiety attacks of everyday life, we forgot our number one ally – our mothers. In battling our everyday worries, may we feel safer with a constant reassurance that our mothers indeed brought us up well. We may continuously battle and justify (sometimes argue) our different parenting styles with her, but hey, be assured she raised you well enough for you to do a good job otherwise. Point taken, having raised you, she must also know a thing or two of good parenting. Little reminders like this are timely to tell us that being mothers should not limit our relationship with our own, but should enhance and enrich it more with a good load of memories to draw inspiration from. Hey, being mothers, we are considered adults like our moms. So spend time to make chismis and talk about uncharted topics unlike before when they tell you "honey you're too young." Now we have tons of topics to share and talk about. It continues with us being good mothers because of our mothers. Motherhood is an experience that binds us and which creates an opportunity for me to build a far more enriching relationship with my mom – one where I can call her my friend.*

MOMMY TALKS
By Hershey Jesena

I just finished reading The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua. I have heard about it a lot last year but had time to only read it recently. It is about parenting in a Western culture amidst Chinese and other ethnic background.

I have always thought of parenting style as unique for each family, culture and society. The diversity on influences is an interesting factor in our child rearing. It contributes to the parent's own experiences and background. Plus we add technology and media to our children's influences and we are definitely brewing a complicated parenting and child rearing set-up. It is a tough formula to crack.

Amy Chua, who ironically was raised by a Chinese immigrant family in the Philippines, tried to write a story about how Chinese parents (although, she said this can also be 'other' parents of the same parenting style), who raise their children differently than Western ones. She thought she had a structure of raising expectations for our children, setting standards of excellence, discipline that would help them in work attitude and behavior, and creating a good academic path for ensuring success. Her plan worked out well, at first, owing to years of passed on Chinese discipline, hard work, and values. However, Chua's plan seemingly proved heartbreaking when her 13-year-old, gifted second daughter challenged her mother on how they were being raised.

What are my insights on this good read? First, may I quote another writer, Paulo Coelho, three things we can learn from children, "A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires." I think parenting wise, most Asians are the same. We are reared for obedience. We are taught to 'accept' things. Seldom do we demand which ironically, is something I am learning from my four-year-old. Demand and assert what you want as to people may be clueless you want it or them in the first place. Demanding for it can sometimes catch us by surprise because we might get it by simply asking for it. Authority figures are biggies in every family.

Most of us were brought up not to question what is said by the elders. This is from a presumption that they always know what's best for us. Although this is what we grew up in, most kids nowadays are breaking away from this. More and more children 'voice out' their opinions and are more active in decision making. Credits are given to a more Western influence on empowering children and building creative thinking skills in them. However, some would agree with Chua on this one. Hands on and 'tiger' parents are more active in creating 'decision making' opportunities for their kids. Most of the time, they decide for the kids. Delving more on where this is coming from, we can see that Chinese/ most Asian and Western parents have totally different mindsets in terms of their roles in child rearing. Western parents are so anxious about their children's 'self esteem' to a point of assuring their children of a 'good job' for a mediocre performance because it might make their children feel less.

In a way this does make me think, what I expect from my child because of what I believe about her. If I assume strength and capability then perhaps I should not worry about pushing her too much because of the presumption that she can do it. From another point of view, I can also assume she can do things, thus allowing herself to take more risks in achieving much. This can be guided by the belief that children are what we think of them. If I feel I can encourage my child to take risks and not be afraid of failure, then I can guide her to enhancing her potentials more. Balance can be a key so as we do not want to be helicopter parents who 'hover' over their kids' life. Allowing them space to make choices and mistakes is an opportunity for them to learn from life with us secretly at the sidelines.

Reading this book made me realize that I want the best for my child and I am going to do all I can to help her get it. I will best prepare her for life, failures, and all but I want her to live her own life. I can be an invisible thread that helps her connect the dots to success without sacrificing herself and her potentials. I want to be a Tiger Mom with a strong paws and claws to allow her to push forward yet guide her with a soft and loving purr of assurance that I am here no matter what.*